I thought I had vented all my Facebook frustration in my last post, but it turns out I still had a lot of hate stored up. Here are another 10 examples of Facebook faux pas that grind my gears…
1. When someone starts a Facebook status with the phrase, “Well, that’s it official…”
The Oxford dictionary definition of the word OFFICIAL refers to a decision or action taken by ‘people in authority’. So just because you’ve decided to book a wee holiday to Ibiza or purchase a baby pink coloured Renault mini, does not give you any kind of authority to clog up my newsfeed. Sit down, please.
2. People who seek out domestic services over Facebook. ‘Anybody know a good plumber?’. Sadly not, but I know who can help you … GOOGLE!
3. The over-sharing mother. We get it. You love your child, and that’s really sweet, and whilst I have no issue what so ever with you posting about little Tommy’s first steps, words or play date, I’d really rather not hear about his first independent poo. TMI!
4. Your own mother on Facebook. Thankfully, I have never had to personally endure this public humiliation (thanks, mum), but have witnessed the embarrassment that other middle-aged mother’s have administered upon my now adult friends. Their crimes range from calling their kids out for cursing to uploading naked bath pictures of them as a #TBT. If my mother ever joins the digital age, I am officially logging off.
5. People who post song lyrics as a status. Wow. You are literally so boring and unimaginative that you can’t even think of something original to write yourself, so instead you have resorted to repeating the words of Avicci ‘Hey Brother’. Bravo.
6. The countdown sun-seekers. You know the type, who remind you daily of how many milliseconds remain until they jet off for a fortnight (normally to somewhere beige like Ibiza/Benidorm).
7. People who go on holiday, only to spend all of their time on social media, preaching about how great a time they are allegedly having. I’ll believe that when you tear yourself away from your phone…
8. The narcissists who take multiple selfies of themselves positioned in the exact same pose or position in their room, to the point where clicking through their profile pictures feels a bit like a flipbook. Mix it up once in a while!
9. The Facebook freedom fighter. The type who have read one Daily Mail article about Scottish Independence, and are now convinced that they are destined to become the next leader of the SNP. These people also tend to be extremely arrogant, and unwilling to consider alternative viewpoints other than their own. Which often make for entertaining viewing, when inevitably they are publically schooled by someone who possesses a far superior knowledge of the chosen subject than them. Read and weep bitchez!
10. The serial Facebook complainer. I know what you are thinking – I’ve got quite a cheek to include this reason in the list, given the nature of this blog post. In my defense however, I am posting in on my own private blog page. What I can’t abide, is the people who post depressing statuses complaining about the most mundane topics known to man… like the weather or how they’re not feeling well. Stop dragging the rest of us down into your pit of misery!!!